As pet owners, we have certain expectations that surround the development and actions that our pets take in the household.  As parents, we also have expectations of what our child is going to accomplish throughout their life.  Although there are vast differences between pets and children, there are also many similarities.  These similarities can range from the personalities of the individual pets and children to the type of things that they may be regularly doing in our lives.  There’s no doubt, we love both our children and our pets so let’s take a look at how kids are like pets and how both of them affect us in a very personal way.

The first way that kids are like pets is because of the things that they try to get away with.  A child will push your limits on a constant basis in order to see exactly how far they can take those limits.  As a matter of fact, you will no doubt find yourself being put to the test on a regular basis in order to see if they can actually get away with something.  Do you recognize this behavior in your pets as well?  Of course you do.  A pet will also push the envelope, so to speak, in order to see how far they can take things before they receive some kind of disciplinary action.

Another way that children in our lives are like the pets in our lives is because of the love they give back to us.  This is especially the case whenever they are younger but even as children approach their teenage years and enter into this difficult time of life, they also give love back to us, even if they have a difficult time expressing it.  A dog will give you unconditional love and will come running to greet you at the door with a wagging tail as soon as you enter the house.  A child may not run to you every time you enter into the room but it’s not difficult for you to recognize the fact that a child needs you and is more comfortable whenever you’re around, even if they are not outwardly expressive of this.

Both our pets and our children are our responsibility to care for, to keep warm and well fed, to discipline when necessary and to show unconditional love throughout their lifetime.

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Two and a half hours in a church hall on a Saturday afternoon. Thirty yellow balloons hovering just above the ground. Twenty-eight second grade girls. Eight large pizzas. Seven two-liter bottles of soda. A huge vegetable tray. One full sheet cake. One karaoke machine. Three microphones. And, the soundtrack to High School Musical 2 playing…over and over and over again.

I did a lot of counting today – and not just the numbers of balloons or bottles of soda at my daughter’s 8th birthday party. I counted all the birthday parties I’ve hosted for my four children since I became a mother. The sum total took me aback: last weekend’s birthday celebration was party number thirty-two. 32!

I searched my mind to recall their themes.

There were at-home parties featuring unicorns, Star Wars characters, pirates (twice), firefighters, Harry Potter, kittens, astronauts, butterflies, Dora the Explorer, horses, Legos, marine life, and Rescue Heroes.

My sons have celebrated their birthdays at bowling alleys, at a minor league baseball game, and at laser tag facilities. One of my daughters had a wonderfully messy and creative party at our community center’s pottery studio. We’ve had a luau, ballet parties, and a big backyard rainforest party with sprinklers and plastic wading pools.

We’ve had store-bought sheet cakes and ornate home-made ones. (You should have seen the pirate ship I made, complete with root beer barrels, malted milk ball cannonballs, and little plastic pirates climbing the wooden dowel masts.) I’ve scoured the Internet for the right spun sugar toppers for cupcakes. I’ve made treasure hunts and modified “Simon Says” in countless ways to fit the day’s theme.

Can you tell? I love it!

Gary Chapman is the author of the “Love Languages” series of books. He states that there are five primary ways that people “speak and understand emotional love.” These are: “physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation.” Chapman writes that everyone communicates love in one of these ways.

Maybe he could add a sixth one: “giving birthday parties!”

With a busy family life, for me creating my kids’ birthday parties every year is a tangible way to show each of them that I appreciate them as individuals. The child whose birthday is approaching is singled out. We pore over birthday party websites and circle ideas we like in catalogs. We discuss guest lists at length. At those times, I often learn new things about my child’s current batch of classmates and the specific reasons why my child most values each friend. We bake, address invitations, and assemble goody bags together. We decorate for the party – often creating homemade decorations to supplement whatever we’ve bought.

I know parents who make other choices – parents, perhaps, whose love language isn’t “giving birthday parties.” I have friends who allow their children a party every second or third year. They have dinner at a favorite restaurant or go on a special outing to celebrate on the “off” years. Some children don’t enjoy big parties, so instead they invite one or two friends over to watch a movie or spend the night. I admire parents who limit the number of guests their children can invite to the age that child is turning on her next birthday. All of these are sensible ideas and ones I can recommend whole-heartedly.

But…I have to admit – I don’t follow them myself.

The parties I give my children aren’t lavish. For my daughter’s recent High School Musical party, the karaoke machine and microphones were borrowed from a friend. The pizzas were inexpensive and the cake was $15 from a warehouse club. The girls spent most of the party dancing around the room. There was no magician and no pony rides. It was just a very large group of girls dancing and singing.

The most excessive choice I’ve made because of my “birthday party language of love” happened a few years ago. My younger son was turning eight and had just finished a difficult school year. Among other things, a new boy was bullying him and a few of his friends. My son and his friends struggled for months to try to figure out what to do about the problem, not wanting to be “tattle-tales.”

Finally my son told his teacher about the bullying. The school acted swiftly to end the bad situation. The principal met with my son and the boy in question. The principal then met with my son’s whole class to talk about the importance of telling adults when you are being hurt. All the attention - even though it ultimately solved the problem - embarrassed my son. His birthday was the day after school ended for the year.

The day before the party, I surveyed our plans. I was glad to see that all of his friends could attend. We had materials to transform the backyard swing set into a pirate ship. All the boys would receive eye patches and bandanas. The aforementioned pirate ship cake looked magnificent.

But, I thought to myself, how can I make this even better? On a whim, I drove to our local appliance rental shop. There were large, blow-up “moon jumps” for rent, but these were too expensive and weren’t theme-appropriate. I walked past hefty power tools and gardening instruments, but couldn’t find inspiration.

But, then, I saw it: a cotton candy machine! For about $100, it could be mine the next afternoon and I could have all the blue candy sugar I wanted.

The back yard was a delightful sight the day of the party. There were about 20 young pirates wearing eye patches, gold hoop earrings, and drawn-on scars. They pantomimed sword fights with their inflatable swords. They swung off the sides of the huge pirate ship and held sticky cones of cotton candy. My son was beaming. It was great to see him smiling again.

So, I’ve been a Mom for 11 years and, so far, have hosted 32 birthday parties for my children. Next month will be party number 33. My soon-to-be six year old is already drawing up her guest list.

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Getting a healthy start at the family table is important for infants. Parents play a major role in the development of healthy habits—right from the beginning. Entrance into the wide world of solid food is a major milestone for baby, but it is important to enter into this new territory with clear goals in mind.

Generally speaking, infants begin eating sold foods between the ages of four and six months.  The American Academy of Pediatrics—the go-to source of all healthy suggestions baby-related—recommends beginning solids no earlier than four to six months to avoid food allergies and other complications. Additionally, many pediatricians suggest giving cereal as a food item rather than adding it to the bottle. Signs of readiness to eat solid foods include: the ability to hold head up unassisted, showing interest in the food others eat at mealtime, reaching a weight that is double that of baby’s birth-weight, and loss of the tongue reflex that prevents baby from properly eating solid foods rather than drinking them.  It is important to remember that baby, even at six months, will receive most—if not all–of his or her daily nutritional needs from breast milk or formula. Food is a novelty item being introduced, not a primary source of energy.

After baby has reached a stage when solid food can be introduced, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that children begin with baby cereal. Dry, mixable, single grain rice baby cereal from the baby food aisle of the grocery store is the best bet for the first feedings. Leaving more complex baby cereals including wheat and barley may stave off food allergy reactions in very young babies. Of course, cereals from the adult breakfast aisle are not recommended because they do not meet the needs of a growing infant at this stage in development.

Texture and consistency are extremely important for the first feedings. Adding water, breast milk, or formula to the cereal, parents should take care to ensure the cereal is not overly lumpy or thick as this might prove difficult to swallow.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, most pediatricians, moms, and baby food cookbooks recommend introducing only one food at a time. Each single food should be served over the course of a few days. Taking this slow approach helps caregivers keep a watchful eye for dangerous food allergies. Some common food allergies are soy, wheat, milk, tree nut, peanut, egg, and shellfish.  Allergic reactions in baby can take the form of loose, runny stools (diarrhea), vomiting, or even hives. If a parent introduces a food and shortly thereafter the child experiencing any of the aforementioned symptoms, they should call their pediatrician for advice. Food allergies can be serious and need to be addressed quickly.

In the book Mommy Made and Daddy Too: Home Cooking for A Healthy Baby & Toddler, a book written by parents Martha and David Kimmel for parents which has been helping ease children into solid food since 1990, the authors recommend starting vegetables after the first two to three months of cereals. The idea is simple but elegant in its straightforwardness: leave the sweetest things and food items with the highest likelihood of allergy for last to keep baby safe and avoid developing a sweet tooth before the first tooth even sprouts! The Kimmels suggest this general rule of thumb for introduction of fruits and veggies, “yellow first, orange and pale next, dark green and red last.” They also advise dropping the following ingredients from baby’s diet in the first year entirely: white table sugar, artificial sweeteners, corn syrup, shellfish, eggs, fried foods, unripe fruit, chocolate, candy of any kind, honey, potato chips, tomatoes, corn, and processed meats like hot dogs or bologna.

It is particularly important to avoid the use of honey in baby food during the first year because, as the American Academy of Family Physicians notes, “Although the worldwide incidence of infant botulism is rare, the majority of cases are diagnosed in the United States. An infant can acquire botulism by ingesting Clostridium botulinum spores, which are found in soil or honey products.” Infant botulism is no laughing matter, and while honey may have a sweet taste and many benefits to adults, it should not be given to infants under one year of age for this reason.

Another important point parents should take into consideration is their own diet. Beyond maintaining a good health for the parents’ own needs, mothers, fathers, and other caregivers need to be role models from the very start. Giving baby a healthy start means making healthy choices. Children model the things they see in their environment.  A child old enough to eat table food will notice his or her parent’s choices and mimic them—for better or worse. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, “For your child’s sake as well as your own, cut out your salt use and watch how much fat you consume. Provide a good role model by eating a variety of healthy foods.”

There are two main options in baby food for parents: buy it at the store or make it at home. Many recipe books exist on the market for those interested in making their own home made baby food masterpieces.  It can be cost effective and relatively simple. Meanwhile, store bought baby food has come a long way in recent times and also provides a flexible list of menu options for infants.

Recipes for home made baby food exist by the score on both internet sites such as http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/ or in the bookstore or library with titles like Mommy Made and Daddy, Too or Simply Natural Baby Food.  Homemade foods can coincide family dinners with similar ingredients and therefore be made at the same time or made ahead of time and stored for later use. Generally speaking, homemade baby foods consist of cooked vegetables or fruits that have been reduced to a nice glob of mush. This means that parents planning to go the do-it-yourself route will need a blender. Other handy items include: a paring knife, slotted spoons, ladles, spatulas, measuring cups, graters, colanders, strainers, saucepans with lids, and a vegetable steamer. Storage generally takes the form of freezing or placing in the refrigerator.

Buying baby food at the store is a good choice for busy parents and offers a wide selection of foods. Store bought foods can be used in conjunction with homemade foods, as well. Organic baby foods exist for interested parents in addition to more traditional baby foods. The packaging is portable and easily stored in the pantry or the refrigerator. As with any packaged food, parents should be careful not to purchase swollen packaging (can indicate spoilage) or packages with broken seals (indicative of possible tampering).

Baby’s first foods are his or her gateway into a healthy life filled with all the wonders of solid foods. Foods introduced at this age will shape children’s eating patterns for the future. Whether making food at home or buying quality foods in the baby food aisle at the store, making good choices today will provide children with a good nutrition as they grow and healthier future in the years to come.

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As parents, we all hope that our children will be sensitive and loving, but with a skin tough enough to handle problems.  We also want our children to feel great about themselves and who they are.  Self-esteem is an important thing to nurture in a child and is a combination of a child feeling loved and being confident in his or her own abilities.  Much of this feeling is molded, instilled and inspired by a child’s parents.  Child expert Sue Davidson says that nurturing and improving your child’s self-esteem is something that will stick with them for life.  The development of their self-esteem is important and is something they will base many different things on throughout their lives.

“When children feel that their parents love and believe in them, the child will love and believe in himself or herself.  When a child feels as though a parent doubts his or her capability, that child will also doubt their capability.  This is something that is important for parents to recognize and pay attention to,” says Sue.  So, with something that is this important, how do you ensure that you’re doing it right?  The first thing you should realize is that while it is important, there is no reason to feel as if you’re walking on eggshells.  Simply take opportunities given to you and use them to work on self-esteem.  Sue offers some valuable tips on how to improve your child’s self-esteem.

Unrealistic Expectations

Don’t place unrealistic expectations on your child.  When you do this, he or she will most likely fail to live up to those expectations.  This will make him or her doubt their ability.  This can be a real issue with self-esteem.  Expect your child to do his or her best, and that’s it.  Instill in them the wisdom that winning or losing is not as important as having fun trying and trying your best.  Anything over that is just extra.  Of course, should your child win, you want to praise them and show how proud you are.  If they lose, you want to praise them and show how proud you are!  One important thing you can say to your child is, “Now you can be really proud of yourself.”  What this tells your child is that you are very proud of them and that how they feel about their performance in any situation is what is most important.

Pointing Out What is Unique

One important thing that helps improve self-esteem is the knowledge that there are special and unique characteristics in each one of us.  Teaching your child this important wisdom is as easy as pointing out their own unique abilities and talents.  Take the time to do this when there is a great opportunity.  When you notice the things your child is great at or is especially talented at, they will notice them, too.  When your child understands that he or she has special talents or is particularly great in one aspect or another, their self-esteem grows.  So, tell your child what a great job he or she did in different situations.

Role Modeling

Much of what you do and how you feel about yourself will be transferred to your children.  If you make statements often about how stupid or inadequate you are, your child will absorb that attitude and feeling.  They will then recreate those feelings in the way they feel about themselves.  This is something you don’t want.  When a child sees a parent with a high regard for themselves, these children are more likely to develop a great self-confidence.  As James A. Baldwin said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”  Show your child how you value him or her and how you value yourself.  This will most definitely carry over.

Your child’s self-esteem is important, and you are the greatest person to help develop the self-esteem within your child.  By simply being confident about your child’s abilities and loving your child (which is a given), you can foster a great self-esteem from childhood to adulthood.

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Becoming a parent is one of the most joyful times that we, as individuals can experience. That time can be marked by stress, however, if you and your partner are having a difficult time in conceiving a child. As a matter of fact, this can become a source of such tension that it actually comes between you as partners. If you’re looking for some conception tips that will help you in your quest to have a child, there are some that you can do that will help you naturally. The best part about it is, many of these conception tips are based on scientific principles and not simply on natural healing techniques.

One of the most important things that you can do it whenever you are trying to conceive a child is to stay hydrated. Far too many people spend the majority of their life in a dehydrated state and this can affect many different areas of their body, including their ability to produce and egg or sperm. Make sure that you drink eight to 10 glasses of clean, clear water every day and maintain this regimen throughout your lifetime. Not only will it help you in the conception department, it will help you in many areas of your health that will become evident once you start drinking the water.

Another thing that you can do in order to increase your odds of conceiving a child is to supplement with various vitamins and minerals. You would be surprised at how deficient many of us are in these vital nutrients. Taking vitamins such as C, B and E will increase your odds of conceiving a child because your body will have the things that it needs in order to maintain a healthy cycle.

Another thing that can help you with conception is for the female to experience an orgasm once the male has ejaculated. The contractions that are realized during this orgasm will help to move the sperm up into the uterus and toward the egg that we hope is waiting to receive it.

One other thing that you can do if you are having an especially difficult time in conceiving a child is to go on a fast. Although this has not been proven scientifically, many people have experienced conception that occurs as a result of being on one of these fasts. The most common one is the master cleanse, otherwise known as the lemonade diet. When all other methods have failed, this one may do the trick for you.

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You find yourself walking resolutely across the department store, an enormous stuffed bear tucked under your arm. You set it on the counter and straighten the polka-dotted ribbon that is tied around its neck. It will cost more than your favorite pair of running shoes, but you know you must have it. That is, the baby must have it. Your eyes widen a bit when the clerk announces the total, but you quickly hand over your credit card. The bear will look just perfect when it’s propped up in the corner of the nursery. (Its yellow polka dot tie is almost an exact match to the new crib bumpers.)  You predict that once the baby’s room is done, the spending is certain to slow down.

“I mean,” you think to yourself, “how much could such a little person cost?”

You might be surprised to know that the U.S. Department of Agriculture can answer that question for you. Since 1969, it has published a report called “The Annual Expenditures on Children by Families.” The report estimates the cost of raising a child from birth to age 17. Year after year, this report reveals that a little person can cost a whole lot of money indeed.

The most recent “Annual Expenditures on Children” report was published in April 2007. It states that the total cost of raising a child from birth to 17 years old is between $200,000 and $300,000 - depending on a family’s income and where they live.

Big numbers like those are overwhelming, but new parents can look at a smaller picture and reflect on the annual expenses of raising a child in order to plan wisely. Again, the USDA report comes in handy. It states that families with pre-tax incomes of less than $44,500 spend about $7,580 annually on their 0-2 year old children. Households earning $44,500-74,900 spend $10,600 on children this age and those who make more than $74,900 spend $15,760 a year on these young children. Across income groups, expenditures increase as children grow older.

After weeks of broken sleep, your first instinct might be to say you’re too tired to think about how your new baby might affect your finances. You just want him to sleep through the night; you can’t begin to think about how you might pay for his violin lessons someday. But, given numbers like those in the USDA report, all new parents should stop, make a strong cup of coffee, and give their financial future a long, steady look.

A NEW BUDGET FOR A NEW FAMILY CONFIGURATION

If you haven’t used a budget to manage your family’s finances in the past, this is a good time to start. New parents are often surprised at how the arrival of their baby affects spending in all areas of their lives.

Expenses that you might consider “fixed” increase with each new family member. Utility bills rise as soon as baby comes home. Couples use more water and often maintain warmer homes in the winter and cooler temperatures in the summer to keep their young children comfortable. Parents spend more money on gas than before having children – either because of a larger, safer car – or because of new trips to daycare and other child-related destinations. Health care costs rise with more frequent co-pays for medication and doctor visits. Not all insurance covers required immunizations either. Even entertainment spending grows when, on top of the cost of a night out, you must pay a babysitter.

Not only do existing expenses grow but significant, new ones are added. Two new and large everyday baby expenses are, of course, diapers and formula.

New parents can expect to spend up to $2500 on diapers between birth and the time a child is potty-trained. Although older babies require far fewer diaper changes than a newborn, most toddlers go through a long, transitional time before being fully potty-trained. During this time they wear expensive, “pull on,” training diapers.

Using cloth diapers with a diaper service costs approximately the same amount as disposable diapers. Parents who choose this option do so, primarily, to lessen the environmental impact of their baby. The cheapest solution to diapering is to wash your own cloth diapers. This can save more than $1,000 over time, but, clearly, it isn’t a commitment many parents are willing to make.

Aside from the costs of diapers and wipes, another cause of “sticker shock” for new parents is the cost of formula and baby food. A conservative estimate of the cost of formula for a baby’s first year is $1,500. An obvious solid financial choice, then, is to breastfeed your baby. As well as saving money on formula, the health benefits of breastfeeding are numerous. (For more on the rewards of breastfeeding, see the La Leche League website at www.llli.org.)  Even when factoring in the costs of nursing clothing and renting or buying a breast pump, breastfeeding provides significant savings to parents.

If breastfeeding isn’t an option, parents can save money on formula by:

• visiting the manufacturers’ websites (most offer money-saving coupons),
• buying powdered formula in bulk from warehouse stores like Costco and Sam’s Club, and
• asking pediatricians to recommend a generic or store-brand formula.

When your baby graduates to baby food, consider making your own. Buy a few jars of baby food and get to know your child’s favorites. Note the consistency of the food and begin to experiment at home. Cooking fruits and vegetables, mashing them, and then freezing small portions in ice cube trays is an easy and cheap way to nourish your baby. Your pediatrician will recommend which foods – and in what order – to introduce to your baby at different ages.

Financial planning experts agree that making and keeping a budget is an important way for anyone – especially those suddenly faced with providing for a baby - to keep their spending under control. There are many books and websites that offer budgeting information and tools.  Some of the better websites that offer free budgeting tools are www.budgettracker.com, www.debtsteps.com, and www.betterbudgeting.com.

THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE BUYING EQUIPMENT AND TOYS FOR BABY

Your budget will likely include a category for “miscellaneous” expenses. The excitement of preparing for baby makes some parents throw their usual financial caution to the wind and overspend in this category. You may be swept away by that adorable stuffed animal or convinced that you need every possible safety device to protect your child.

In order to keep from breaking the bank, new parents should pause before buying toys or gadgets for their babies. Although their catalog descriptions claim that you can’t live without them, items like wipes warmers, video baby monitors, fancy diaper pails, and electronic play mats are not in fact “essentials.” Ask friends with older children which baby gadgets and toys they found most helpful.

SEEK OUT QUALITY, USED BABY GEAR

You likely have a neighbor or relative who uses the term “garage sale” as a verb – as in “I love to garage sale.” When you’ve decided to buy something for baby, tell this friend what you are looking for – a certain type of stroller, a bicycle trailer, a high chair, or a bath seat. This will give your friend new purpose in her weekend quests and save you a lot of money. When you drive past a garage sale yourself, slow down and take a quick look.  If you see numerous baby items on display, jump out of the car and take a look.  Read the ads in the local paper. Call around or check local churches’ websites – many hold annual sales of children’s goods. Check www.ebay.com for clothing, furniture, or other necessities.  (You can even buy formula coupons on ebay – check it out!)

Babies grow fast and that bouncy chair or baby bath seat – as useful as it is for a month or two – will soon be relegated to the basement or attic. Don’t bother to buy it new. If someone offers you hand-me-downs, always accept them. Sort them by size and keep them in labeled boxes or bins where you will see them – perhaps in your baby’s closet.

Your baby’s first smile is indeed priceless, but all the paraphernalia that keeps her safe and healthy can cost a small fortune. Plan wisely, and next time you come face to face with that giant stuffed teddy bear, you might want to consider turning around and giving him a friendly wave as you walk out of the store

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3 Tips on How to Multitask Effectively:

1. Don’t stress out. You can get things done quicker and more efficient with a clear head.
2. Map out all the locations of where you need to be and draw out a schedule. You will be able to tackle several tasks at once while being in the same location. It’ll save you a lot of time driving back and forth between tasks.
3. Keep a to-do list with you so you can check them off as you go. This way, you won’t have to wonder if you’ve completed a specific task or not.

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Sometimes work schedules stretch mothers and fathers to the breaking point with little time left for the people who matter most: children. Thankfully, spending time with family is more than ticking away the hours of a dull day; it is about quality interaction between parents and children. Even though it may seem like the twenty-four hour day needs to be lengthened, it actually provides plenty of time to accomplish the most important mission of all—time with family.

Schedules, including work, travel, and possibly continued education, often seem like the enemy. They appear to rob parents of valuable time with children during their formative years. This seemingly dark cloud does have a silver lining, however. Work provides valuable resources for the family in terms of food, shelter, health insurance, and savings. Additional education enriches the parents’ lives, broadens their horizons, and can lead to more rewarding careers. Beyond the obvious, these necessary activities outside parenting provide parents with a very important reminder: Time is precious.

In parenting, as in life, it is vital to remember the value of your time varies by how you spend it. If a parent spends all day at home watching television, obviously the child is not benefiting from their presence. On the other hand, if a parent spends just fifteen minutes devoted to interaction with their child, that parent will have done wonders for their little one. Quality, not necessarily quantity, is the main feature of a healthy parent-child relationship.

Presence is more than a physical state. Love and care are involved in the selection of childcare, clothing, and feeding children. Every aspect of a child’s world exists because of the efforts put forth by the parent or caregiver. The parent sustains the life of the child. This vital role does not evaporate when the parent dons business attire and continues on their morning commute after dropping their child off at school.

Children whose parents work are not always suffering souls. Involvement in extracurricular activities and preschool as a result of parental work schedules often benefit the child. High quality, loving daycare and preschool settings enrich children’s lives and provide a solid foundation for the future. In fact, in a 1996 study entitled The Five to Seven Year Shift: The Age of Reason and Responsibility researchers found, “Children with extensive preschool experience tend to adjust to kindergarten more easily than those who spent little or no time in preschool. Children who start kindergarten with peers they know and like generally do better.”

Part of being there for a child is letting that child know they are in your thoughts; it is a matter of doing little things that show you care. Small remembrances like sending a note in your child’s lunch or bringing them a healthy snack or something to drink when picking them up at the end of a long day at school or preschool are a token of affection your young child will treasure. Older children may also appreciate hearing a retelling of a joke heard by the parent during the day, the chance to engage in a conversation about their school day, or a discussion of plans around the table in the evening. In all cases, showing that a child’s feelings matter and they are remembered even in their absence is an important part of family bonding. These small acts do not require vast amounts of time; they only require small continual acknowledgements by the parent.

In an effort to build a strong bond and fond memories, set routines can be a benefit to hurried, harried parents.  The morning rush out the door can become more pleasant through planning. For younger children, getting an early start each day, with a morning book reading as the child is waking, sets a nice tone for the day and makes waking up less of a chore.  Reading to children, for as little as five to fifteen minutes each day, at a young age provides children valuable skills for the future.  According to Gabrielle Simcock, author of a recent study related to children and reading published by the American Psychological Association, “…research shows that very young children can learn to perform novel actions with novel objects from a brief picture-book reading interaction. This common form of interaction that takes place very early in children’s lives, may provide an important source of information to them about the world around them.”

All the way out the door and up the steps to school, through reinforcing and comforting routines, parents can work to create bonds that will set the stage for strong family ties.  For example, children love to play games in the car. Younger children can enjoy play games of I-Spy and variations of the License Plate Game to pass the time on the way to class. Encouraging words from the parent as the drive goes along can help the child learn about the world and experience the affection of the parent.

Later in the day, routines can be a blessing as well, dinner at the table—even if it is a fast food meal picked up on the way home—can provide quality family time. Discussing the day’s events before dispersing for homework, housework, or bed gives families the opportunity to check in with each other and show that they care. Reading a book at night, before tucking the child into bed is a tried and true parenting routine beloved by generations of children. Time conscious parents will be happy to note that story books listing the average length of the story in minutes can be found in the children’s section of the bookstore. Some titles with this handy device include: Disney’s 5 Minute Bedtime Stories by Catherine Hapka, A Treasury of Bedtime Stories by Linda Yeatman, and Three Minute Tales: Stories to Tell When Time Is Short by Margaret Read MacDonald.

On the weekend, when more time is available, scheduling a regular family game time every other weekend–as an important meeting–gives everyone something to look forward to on the day off. Finding and collecting board games can be fun for the whole family and offer a variety of entertainment that transcends the focus on gadgets, gizmos, and time in front of the television or computer screen common in this modern life. Parents can try such classics as Clue,  Sorry, Monopoly, or branch out into new realms with the family board game with such emerging classics as Khet: The Laser Game—a blend of checkers and chess that involves laser light—or Cadoo: Family Fun—an inventive game which, as the name suggests, is fun for the whole family.

There are many ways to play an active role in family life, but parents do not need an extra hours in the day to do it. All it takes is a kind word here and there, a brief remembrance, or fifteen minutes to an hour set aside in time pockets throughout the week. Children are adaptable and appreciate the time that parents give them. The only requirement is that the parent demonstrates they care and are tuned in to their child through positive interaction.  Parents should also remember that quality time and parenting in general are not about perfection but about persistence.

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Everyone new mother at the sandbox wants to know: when is little Junior going to join MENSA and win the Nobel Peace Prize? During the first year each step, burble, burp, and grin is proof—at least to dear old Mom and Dad—of little junior’s pint sized prowess. And often, perhaps too often, this natural exuberance of new parents turns into a frustrating game of one-up-man-ship. Unfortunately, it can lead to further isolation for new moms or simply some hurt feelings for those whose children’s development is taking a slightly different path. Milestones are certainly important, relevant to understanding children’s needs. However, it is important to keep a clear perspective.

Milestones are a means of evaluating the needs of a child and their developmental progress. Many factors are involved in determining when children will experience certain milestones including each child’s unique heredity and environment. According to the authors of Human Development, 9th Edition, milestones are, “landmarks of development: average ages for the occurrence of certain events, such as the first word, the first step…But these are merely averages.”

Individual children vary within the averages given by milestones. Some children reach certain milestones quickly and others more slowly. One child can reach certain milestones more quickly—such as early walking—then lag behind in some other area—such as late talking. Professionals, such as doctors and child psychologists use milestones as a means of gaining a general sense of understanding about development.

For example, most studies indicate that the majority of children will be able to run by two years of age. If a child is not able to run by the age of two and a half, this may indicate a need for a closer look at the child’s health by a trained professional. In this way, having a general understanding of when a child should develop certain abilities helps the medical profession successfully treat children so that each child can look forward to a healthy future.

This useful tool can also help parents plan ahead. Lists of milestones and when to expect them also give parents, especially new ones, a preview of what lies ahead. This can help parents meet the needs of their children as they progress. For instance, parents with stairs may want to install a baby gate in advance of their child crawling or walking. Looking at the milestone chart can help such parents make sure the necessary gates are installed well in advance of their baby making a beeline for the stairs.

As a guideline, milestone charts also suggest appropriate activities for infants and children. If a child is able to sit or crawl, they will enjoy a trip to a soft play center, conversely, if a child is able to run and jump, they may be able to appreciate a child-centered amusement park. Children able to hold their head up, and sit might also be ready for a foray into the world of solid foods. In this way, parents can plan for the future, to make healthy and fun choices for their children.

Milestones have limitations, however. They are not a crystal ball. Every parent, no doubt, wishes they could see far into the future and predict the future success of their offspring. It is fun to envision Junior climbing every mountain and becoming a Nobel Laureate, but childhood milestones do not necessarily mean that Junior will be a captain of industry.

In fact, perhaps one of the surest ways to hinder a child’s rise to success is to expect too much, too soon. Attempting to force children to develop skills before it is developmentally appropriate for the individual child sets up a situation in which both parent and child may experience frustration and feelings of inadequacy. The attitude of keeping in step with the Jones’ next door is not healthy for the parent-child relationship. It is better to let the child progress at the pace he or she needs to progress—as long as the progression falls within the normal range, there is little reason to be alarmed. It is more important to enjoy each child for who they are, rather than who the parent hopes they will become at a later date.

Gifted is the term often used to describe intelligent children. However, identifying children who are truly gifted is a unique challenge. Skills are not always evenly mastered throughout childhood. Children can go in spurts, focusing on the mastery of one skill while leaving others on the backburner until later.

It is important to remember that children are not automatons; they have varied interests and abilities. Each child is as distinctive as a snowflake in winter. So, while little Suzie down the street may be the champion of the school chess team today, tomorrow she may make an excellent cheerleader as her motor skills and interests change and develop.

Generally speaking, giftedness is a matter of viewing the bigger picture. Gifted children tend to be multitalented and master a variety of skills ahead of their peers. It is important to note, though, that gifted children, while very lucky in many respects, do not always become champions of the world and may often wind up no more successful than other moderately gifted peers. According to a 1985 study of talented artists, musicians, and brain surgeons by Benjamin Bloom, many of the aforesaid geniuses initially appeared no more exceptional than siblings or peers. The main difference was their drive, interest, and perseverance. Another important factor , according to the study, was encouragement by a parent, teacher, or other important adult in the individual’s life.

Slower development is not necessarily an example of inability, and many children afflicted with autism spectrum disorders are actually quite gifted in certain areas. Having a developmental delay is a matter of being differently-abled, or needing specialized attention, rather than being disabled. Love, encouragement, and good professional or home care can help children who are slow to develop or experiencing difficulty overcome obstacles with flying colors.

One famous example of a child who failed to meet certain milestones on time was Einstein. This interesting anomaly is examined more closely in the book The Einstein Syndrome by Thomas Sowell. The book mentions Einstein as well as many other famous individuals, known for their brilliance and talent, who were late in the area of speech.

In any case, whether a child is delayed, average, or ahead of schedule, milestones provide a glimpse of human development. They are not intended to pigeon-hole the child or the parent and can actually assist the child’s caregivers when used appropriately. While not all points related to giftedness, delays, or the definition of normal are certain one point stands out amongst all of the research: Children need love, attention, and encouragement. Any caregiver interested in seeing their child succeed should focus on the wonderfully unique individual (or individuals) in their care and support their individual development through love and support. And with regard to keeping up with the Jones’, be happy for them, but feel secure in the knowledge that every child has vast potential in life—even if he or she is not a card carrying member of MENSA by the age of two.

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Do you often spank your children when they misbehave? Or do you give them a candy bar so that they can stop bullying your neighbor’s son? Perhaps you give your children choices and they get to choose what they want to do.

A question that was raised when our first son was born is what kind of parents do we want to be? Let our kids run free or hover over our children so that they become what we want them to be. Most of our parenting practices use how we were raised as kids as a baseline and then certain aspects of it are modified to how we want to run our own household. The way you run your household, however, typically falls into one of these three parenting “styles.”

Parenting Styles Defined

1. The Indulgent (Permissive/Non Directive) Parent: These types of parents are “easy” on their kids and allow their kids much freedom to act, speak, and do as they wish. They fear that their kids will “not like them” if they are more restrictive or set rules. Children in these types of environments tend to be controlling, can be more on the irresponsible side when they are older and learn ways to please their parents in order to get what they want.
2. The Authoritarian Parent: These are the types of parents who need to be in control of their kids. When your child asks a question, your answer is “Because I said so.” And that’s final. Authoritarian parents usually focus on their children’s misbehaviors (rather than their achievements) and punishment for such misbehaviors are often not pleasant. Children in these environments tend to have little freedom, lower self esteem, and subservient.
3. The Authorative (Democratic) Parent: These types of parents try to treat their children like adults, giving them choices and letting them see the results of their decisions. Children in these situations tend to be more cooperative and higher self esteem because they feel that they have control of certain things in their life.

What Type of Parent Are You?

How your children turn out doesn’t necessarily mean you were bad parents or practiced bad parenting. Other factors such as where you live or who their friends are also major contributors of how your children grow up to be. Whether you choose to be the Indulgent parent, the Authoritarian parent, or the Authoritive parent, just remember that a loving bond between you and your children is very important.

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