There are certain periods in a marriage where a couple may become more distant than normal. Some of those times might include the birth of a child, issues at work, or even a rough patch in the marriage. It can make you feel pretty lonely to be disconnected from the person you love. However, all is definitely not lost! According to marriage expert Sandra Kirk, the key to reconnecting is to find that spark again, and maintain it. If you’re wondering how in the world you do that on top of work, the kids, and every other stress you have on a daily basis, keep reading!

Just like a car, your marriage needs maintenance. A car will occasionally need an oil change, new tires, and a tune-up. Your marriage is the same. Without routine maintenance, your car may end up in the shop! The same goes for a marriage. At risk of taking this analogy a little too far, your marriage needs fuel to burn in the same way your car needs gasoline.

Laugh It Up!

There are many things you can do to maintain your marriage, and one of the most important things you can do is retain your sense of humor! In fact, in one survey, older married couples were asked what kept their marriage happy and alive for so long, and nearly every one of them said a great sense of humor was the key! Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself with the person who knows you better than anyone, who can you laugh at yourself with? Of course, this is not sarcastic laughter, but true laughter as if the two of you are the only ones in the world who are in on a clever joke. Try keeping your sense of humor in any situation. It really does lighten the mood and inspire happy feelings.

Just the Two of You!

Even if you have very busy schedules, with children and demanding careers, you need to find time for just you and your spouse. This is one of the most important things you can do to rediscover that spark and maintain a happy marriage. If need be, hire a reliable babysitter just a few hours a week and spend time with your spouse having dinner, seeing a great movie, walking on the beach, or whatever it is you enjoy. Ensuring that you have this kind of time together will help keep your marriage strong and make it stronger.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!

You have probably heard this a million times, and there’s a reason. During a typical marriage, it can be very easy to get frustrated because your spouse forgot to pick his or her clothes up from the floor, or missed an important meeting. However, keeping things in perspective can really help. These sorts of things are not tragedies. Someone losing their life is a tragedy; finding out that you have a chronic disease is a tragedy; your spouse not closing the shower curtain for the third time is not a tragedy. When you look at things this way, it can help keep you from getting frustrated over the small stuff. Be glad that you still have a healthy spouse that’s able to forget the shower curtain!

Just Talk!

Experts say that one of the most important components to a great marriage is communication. While you simply can’t sit down every day and have a lengthy, emotional conversation with your spouse, you can talk. Even if you only talk while you’re cooking together, or doing dishes, or even before bed – it’s important to do it. Let your spouse know what you love about them. An example would be, “Honey, you were so great at dinner with the neighbors. You’re so funny!” It’s short, sweet, and hopefully true! It simply lets your spouse know you love and appreciate them. These few words can go a really long way toward making your marriage healthy and happy.

While these things may seem very small, they are individual gallons of gas that are going toward a full tank. Taking a few minutes out of your day is all you really need to do in order to maintain your marriage and reconnect.

Of course, if your problems are more complicated, you may want to consider marriage counseling. The most important thing you can do as an individual is to never stop trying. This is where many couples fall off the path that leads to a healthy marriage. Utilizing the tips above will keep you on that coveted path and heading toward happily ever after.

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I’d get insanely upset at myself for forgetting to pay two credit card bills that were due two days ago. Now it’s late and I’ve racked up $90 in late fees plus interest. Whoops! There goes 3 cans of Costco sized formula.

Then I realize I forgot to move my car off the street and onto the driveway last night. It was Street Cleaning Thursday. The ticket was $45. That’s 4 bags of diapers. Sigh.

If you can relate to that story, then you can understand when I say: “It’s really the baby’s fault! I’m usually pretty good about that stuff!”

It’s frustrating to just “give” the bank that kind of money, isn’t it? A few months ago, I realized that a bit of organization really can put a few extra bucks in my purse! Here are a few simple suggestions to help manage your monthly bills:

1. Use Microsoft Outlook. You can avoid late fees and accrued interest by setting monthly reminders in your Outlook.
2. Many cell phones have a built in calendar with reminders. You’ve already paid for the phone and you’re already paying the monthlies so why not give your cell phones another function?
3. If you’re like me and are more old fashioned, then you probably prefer to write down dates. In this case, buy yourself a day timer. Costco has great starter kits.
4. Set up automatic payments from your bank account so that you don’t miss a payment. Just make sure you have enough money in your bank account so you’re not paying overdraft fees.
5. See if the billing company has an email reminder option. They can send you an email a few days before the bill is due. This is usually a free service so use it to your advantage.

The catch to any of these suggestions is that you must use them. There is no point in setting up dates in Outlook if you don’t use your computer often.

Pick one way to keep track of your bills and stick to it. Just remember the 3 cans of formula or the 4 bags of diapers that you “gave” the bank just because you are not organized enough to pay your bills on time.

The truth of the matter is, it really is your fault

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February 14th is usually marked with flowers, chocolates, and love letters. Many couples like to end their Valentine’s Day with a romantic dinner and a glass of fine wine.

However, with the kids around, enjoying a quiet Valentine’s Day is nearly impossible. For a nice evening, find a babysitter or drop the kids off at Grandma’s. You don’t want to be interrupted by a crying baby while the two of you are whispering words of love to each other.

Creating the perfect setting will make the night memorable. Here are a few tips:

• Whether it’s a bouquet from the local florist or a nice arrangement of flowers from the backyard, flowers are a great touch. Too busy to run to the florist? Order online: http://www.gagazine.com/flowers
• Set the mood with lighting. Use candles or dim the lights and turn on some soft music.
• Cook your loved one’s favorite dish.
• And pair the meal with a nice bottle of wine or bubbly. For pairing suggestions to make your dinner extra special, visit: http://www.winehappy.com

Don’t forget to share your story with me below in the comments field!

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lville’s Moby-Dick begins with the famous words, “Call me Ishmael.” Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina opens with the line: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Dickens started A Tale of Two Cities begins with “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” They are all great novels, even though many people are familiar only with their opening lines.

There is a book that has outsold them all and – unlike some of those other hefty tomes – has been read cover to cover by its readers, often multiple times. Dr. Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Child Care was first published in 1946 and begins with the reassuring words: “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

Parents of babies and young children are assaulted by advice, as Dr. Spock knew all the way back in 1946. When trusted with the care of a helpless and much-loved new baby, parents can become almost hyper vigilant when they hear stories on the news or anecdotes from their neighbors on the right way to care for a child. And, the experts seem to contradict each other and change their positions too often.

For instance, Spock himself maintained for decades that children should never be placed on their backs in their cribs. He said that if babies vomited while lying on their backs, they could choke. Now, however, all parents are advised always to lay their babies on their backs to reduce the chance of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) or “crib death.”

The National Institute of Child Health and Development (NICHD) reports that since its “Back to Sleep” campaign was begun more than 13 years ago, the rate of SIDS has declined 50%. (To learn more about the “Back to Sleep” program, visit the NICHD’s website at http://www.nichd.nih.gov/sids/).

This past fall, parents were warned against using over the counter (OTC) medicines to treat cough and cold symptoms in children under six years old, especially children younger than two years old. Instead of making a late-night run to the drugstore when a baby has a stuffy nose, parents are advised to make other choices. They should call their doctor if the child has a fever or seems very ill; allow the cold to run its course; and employ other means to make the child more comfortable.

Instead of filling a dropper with thick, purple liquid to ease symptoms, parents can safely:

• use a cool mist vaporizer in baby’s room,
• gently flush the baby’s nostrils with an OTC nasal saline solution and then suction out the mucous with a rubber baby bulb syringe, and
• keep the baby hydrated by giving extra liquids.

How to lay a baby down to sleep and how to treat minor cold symptoms are only two of the myriad issues parents face when caring for a new baby. So what can a parent do – short of scouring the Internet for daily updates – to keep their children healthy and safe?

First, choose a doctor whom you trust. Follow your instincts: if you feel rushed or uncomfortable with your child’s doctor, find a different one. A good doctor will listen to your concerns, will make a connection with your child, and will explain his or her opinions. Many good pediatric offices now have websites that provide practical information on caring for minor illnesses and injuries, parenting tips, and even links to recommended books and websites for their patients.

Second, keep a notebook on your child’s health. You don’t need a fancy, leather-bound journal; a simple pocketed folder or three ring binder will do. When your baby is ill or is taking prescribed or over-the-counter (OTC) medications, jot down the date, times, and doses given. Note any reactions – mood changes, rashes, or changes in eating or sleeping patterns that the child shows while on the medication.

When a child develops a fever, your doctor may ask, “When did you first see these symptoms? “ Having a record of details related to your child’s illness will help your doctor best identify the problem. Even noting something like, “Fever doesn’t seem to come down with Tylenol. Came down quickly with Motrin” may help you later.

Keep the notebook in a central location – perhaps next to cookbooks or phone directories in the kitchen.

• Note any allergies your child has.
• Keep your child’s current weight jotted into the notebook so that if your doctor has prescribed a medication, you will give correct amounts of medicine at those groggy, middle-of-the-night dosings.
• Slip the handouts your doctor gives you (after immunizations or at well check-ups) into the folder.
• Pull health or safety-related articles from magazines and keep them in the folder.
• Make a separate folder for each of your children if you have more than one child at home.
• Tell babysitters, grandparents, and other childcare providers about the folders so, if needed, they can easily find up-to-date information on your child.

Third, and last, remember Spock’s words – Trust yourself. Spend time with your baby. If you know her well and interact with her when she is healthy, you will be more able to identify when she is out of sorts or ill.

Don’t let conflicting medical advice in popular press confuse you. Trust yourself. You know your baby better than you think you do.

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I had forgotten to talk about the little girl that thought I was her mom when we brought Little Mochi for his 6 month immunization shots. You would either laugh hysterically or find the story heartbreaking.

I walked out of the pediatrician’s office and into the waiting room. I didn’t notice who was in the waiting room at the time as I was too preoccupied with trying to cancel my next appointment with the “Two Thumbs Down” receptionist.

The second I turned around, this little Asian girl screams, “Mommy!”. She was probably around 2 o3 years old.

Of course, me not being her mom, the father of the little girl pulls her back, picks her up and tells her that I am not her mommy.

Still not awake of what’s going on (I was happy thinking that I did a “I told you so” with the receptionist, I walk by her. I hear this girl screaming, “Mommy!”. I turned to look at her and gave her a small smile and said “Hi.”

Then as I turned towards the door to leave, with my husband and Little Mochi right behind me, the little girl screamed as loud as she could, “Moooommmmmmmyyyyyy!” and started to run towards me with her arms extended. Kid you not, there were tears running down her cheeks.

So what did I do? I bent over, picked her in my arms, and tried to comfort her for asa her father is walking toward me to grab the poor child back.

Even after the pediatrician’s door closed, I can still hear her screaming, “Mommy!”

Let’s see.

Should I be flattered that I looked like her Mom? But don’t “all Asians look alike?”

Should I be laughing because the story is just hilarious? You have to admit that from a bystander’s point of view, it can be a funny scene to watch!

Should I, as the father, be completely embarrassed that his own daughter can’t even recognize her own mother? Remember, she was 2 or 3. Even Little Mochi at 6 months can somewhat recognize his parents!

Would I, as the mother, be completely heart-broken that my own little girl can’t recognize me?

I sure hope the father doesn’t tell his wife.

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