The other day my mother was complaining about a nephew. I asked her what an ideal child, for her, would be. She proceeded to describe him (not “her”, and I’m a her) as a straight A, athletic, high career with a “sweet” wife and two kids (one each) . . . I asked if she would have had anything to do with his successful life. I was shocked to hear her say, “No. He did it all on his own.”

I was dumbfounded by her comment. She expected the child to “just be”. Then I realized she was born of a farmer Swede from the old country. Farmer Swedes from the turn of the 20th century raised kids to help the parents run the farm. The child was there to serve the parent. End of story.

Today parents are expected to sacrifice everything for the highest good of the child. In my own lifetime (50+ years) I was raised to have a job, something that would simply take care of me until I got married. Then personal and societal expectations changed. In my 30’s a JOB was “low balling” it. One, married or not, should expect to have a CAREER. In my 40’s the societal expectations were raised to a PASSION and a CALLING — no matter how likely or unlikely one will financially survive on that calling. Society changed that fast in a few short decades.

Society changes much too fast to prepare or even anticipate the best way to instill “Family Values”. The pregnant girl in my Middle School or High School would have been scandalous. Now it is common place.

Society changed so fast for my generation; honorable family values and expectations I grew up with became irrelevant, and even detrimental to my physical and emotional well being. I consequently was forced to spend decades trying to redefine what I really believed, what was true and what was honorable.

Thus, in the end, can a parent really instill values that will work the remainder of a child’s life? Maybe the only real family value is the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The rest is out of our control.