Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after a Break-Up

By in Life and Time Management on 03 June 2010

You’ve probably heard the old song “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.” Not only does your heart take a beating but so can your self-esteem. Here are some practical ways of rebuilding your self-esteem after a break-up.

Self-esteem is how you think of yourself with respect to those people around you. If you think well about yourself, you can do anything you put your mind to. However, if you have no self-esteem, you’ll be lucky if you can accomplish anything. After a break-up you want to rebuild your self-esteem as quickly as possible.

Any break-up can wreck havoc on how you feel about yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you were the one who broke things off or if the other person did – the pain and sense of defeat can be mind-numbing. But you can’t dwell on what’s happened if you want to move forward.

The end of a relationship is similar to experiencing a death because, ultimately, it is. You have to go through similar stages as with a physical death if you hope to be whole again. First you must deal with the shock, mourn the loss, work through any guilt you may feel, get angry either about what did or didn’t happen during the relationship, reconcile yourself to the fact it’s over, and then accept the loss so you can move forward.

Rather than dwelling on the past – what could have been or how you’ve been hurt – determine in your mind that you will learn from the experience. It’s possible both of you made mistakes during the relationship; you don’t have to repeat those mistakes if you choose not to. Instead make a point to learn what went wrong so you can avoid similar issues in future relationships.

Don’t make life-altering decisions such as buying a house, a new vehicle, or starting a business. It’s likely you’re not at a good point and a failure this soon after a break-up could be catastrophic. If you feel you need something to make you feel good about yourself, try losing weight, changing your hair color or taking up a hobby you always wanted to try.

Even though you may not feel like being social, it’s good to get out of the house. Don’t feel pressured into going on dates this soon. You could gather some friends who are single and enjoy their company. Surround yourself with friends who are upbeat and their spark will rub off on you.

Now is the perfect time to dust off old dreams. Take time to re-think about things you once thought were important that you’ve put on hold. Do you still want to learn to water color? Why not take an art class at a local university? Did you put off learning a new language because you knew you’d never travel? Learn that language and then find out how much it would cost to travel to that foreign country.

Keep a journal so you can express your feelings. Maybe you don’t want to discuss your break-up with anyone, but it is not a good idea to keep your emotions pent up. Writing them down gives you an outlet for expression and lets you see things in black and white.

You can use these ideas for rebuilding your self-esteem after a break-up rather than letting your self-esteem take a beating. It won’t be easy to become social again but it’s vitally important not to lock yourself at home. You can move on if you set your mind to it, with your self-esteem intact.


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