Everyone new mother at the sandbox wants to know: when is little Junior going to join MENSA and win the Nobel Peace Prize? During the first year each step, burble, burp, and grin is proof—at least to dear old Mom and Dad—of little junior’s pint sized prowess. And often, perhaps too often, this natural exuberance of new parents turns into a frustrating game of one-up-man-ship. Unfortunately, it can lead to further isolation for new moms or simply some hurt feelings for those whose children’s development is taking a slightly different path. Milestones are certainly important, relevant to understanding children’s needs. However, it is important to keep a clear perspective.

Milestones are a means of evaluating the needs of a child and their developmental progress. Many factors are involved in determining when children will experience certain milestones including each child’s unique heredity and environment. According to the authors of Human Development, 9th Edition, milestones are, “landmarks of development: average ages for the occurrence of certain events, such as the first word, the first step…But these are merely averages.”

Individual children vary within the averages given by milestones. Some children reach certain milestones quickly and others more slowly. One child can reach certain milestones more quickly—such as early walking—then lag behind in some other area—such as late talking. Professionals, such as doctors and child psychologists use milestones as a means of gaining a general sense of understanding about development.

For example, most studies indicate that the majority of children will be able to run by two years of age. If a child is not able to run by the age of two and a half, this may indicate a need for a closer look at the child’s health by a trained professional. In this way, having a general understanding of when a child should develop certain abilities helps the medical profession successfully treat children so that each child can look forward to a healthy future.

This useful tool can also help parents plan ahead. Lists of milestones and when to expect them also give parents, especially new ones, a preview of what lies ahead. This can help parents meet the needs of their children as they progress. For instance, parents with stairs may want to install a baby gate in advance of their child crawling or walking. Looking at the milestone chart can help such parents make sure the necessary gates are installed well in advance of their baby making a beeline for the stairs.

As a guideline, milestone charts also suggest appropriate activities for infants and children. If a child is able to sit or crawl, they will enjoy a trip to a soft play center, conversely, if a child is able to run and jump, they may be able to appreciate a child-centered amusement park. Children able to hold their head up, and sit might also be ready for a foray into the world of solid foods. In this way, parents can plan for the future, to make healthy and fun choices for their children.

Milestones have limitations, however. They are not a crystal ball. Every parent, no doubt, wishes they could see far into the future and predict the future success of their offspring. It is fun to envision Junior climbing every mountain and becoming a Nobel Laureate, but childhood milestones do not necessarily mean that Junior will be a captain of industry.

In fact, perhaps one of the surest ways to hinder a child’s rise to success is to expect too much, too soon. Attempting to force children to develop skills before it is developmentally appropriate for the individual child sets up a situation in which both parent and child may experience frustration and feelings of inadequacy. The attitude of keeping in step with the Jones’ next door is not healthy for the parent-child relationship. It is better to let the child progress at the pace he or she needs to progress—as long as the progression falls within the normal range, there is little reason to be alarmed. It is more important to enjoy each child for who they are, rather than who the parent hopes they will become at a later date.

Gifted is the term often used to describe intelligent children. However, identifying children who are truly gifted is a unique challenge. Skills are not always evenly mastered throughout childhood. Children can go in spurts, focusing on the mastery of one skill while leaving others on the backburner until later.

It is important to remember that children are not automatons; they have varied interests and abilities. Each child is as distinctive as a snowflake in winter. So, while little Suzie down the street may be the champion of the school chess team today, tomorrow she may make an excellent cheerleader as her motor skills and interests change and develop.

Generally speaking, giftedness is a matter of viewing the bigger picture. Gifted children tend to be multitalented and master a variety of skills ahead of their peers. It is important to note, though, that gifted children, while very lucky in many respects, do not always become champions of the world and may often wind up no more successful than other moderately gifted peers. According to a 1985 study of talented artists, musicians, and brain surgeons by Benjamin Bloom, many of the aforesaid geniuses initially appeared no more exceptional than siblings or peers. The main difference was their drive, interest, and perseverance. Another important factor , according to the study, was encouragement by a parent, teacher, or other important adult in the individual’s life.

Slower development is not necessarily an example of inability, and many children afflicted with autism spectrum disorders are actually quite gifted in certain areas. Having a developmental delay is a matter of being differently-abled, or needing specialized attention, rather than being disabled. Love, encouragement, and good professional or home care can help children who are slow to develop or experiencing difficulty overcome obstacles with flying colors.

One famous example of a child who failed to meet certain milestones on time was Einstein. This interesting anomaly is examined more closely in the book The Einstein Syndrome by Thomas Sowell. The book mentions Einstein as well as many other famous individuals, known for their brilliance and talent, who were late in the area of speech.

In any case, whether a child is delayed, average, or ahead of schedule, milestones provide a glimpse of human development. They are not intended to pigeon-hole the child or the parent and can actually assist the child’s caregivers when used appropriately. While not all points related to giftedness, delays, or the definition of normal are certain one point stands out amongst all of the research: Children need love, attention, and encouragement. Any caregiver interested in seeing their child succeed should focus on the wonderfully unique individual (or individuals) in their care and support their individual development through love and support. And with regard to keeping up with the Jones’, be happy for them, but feel secure in the knowledge that every child has vast potential in life—even if he or she is not a card carrying member of MENSA by the age of two.

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Deana S. who confessed on April 24 at 7:40 am:

“I fell asleep (I was working the graveyard shift) and forgot to pick up my son from a birthday party at a park. I awoke to police officers banging on my door telling me my son has been at the police station for almost 2 hours. Talk about the guilt and shame.”

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About the product: Two lucky individuals will each receive one Lullaby CD, valued at $12.99. The CD contains one dozen lullabies to soothe your baby to sleep.

1. Air on a G String
2. Canon in D
3. Come Together
4. Concerto for Violin and Oboe
5. Delicate Dreams
6. Fur Elise
7. Innocence
8. Morning Mood
9. Nocturne Es Dur
10. Skyward Glance
11. Supernova
12. Well Tempered Bach

Are you eligible? You must have a valid email and U.S. mailing address.

How can I win? Read the different types of parenting styles article. Leave a comment below and let us know what type of parent you are (come up with your own style if you want to!). Two random people will be selected as winners.

Am I the winner? If you are the winner, your name will be announced in the Winner’s Announcements category on Monday, May 5th, 2008. We will also notify you via email to obtain your mailing address so that we can mail you the CD. You will then have 3 days to respond to confirm your mailing address. Otherwise, you will forfeit your prize and we will select another winner.

When will this giveaway end? Winners will be announced on Monday, May 5th, 2008 at 9:00 pm PST.

This giveaway is now CLOSED. You may participate in our next giveaway.

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This week’s Active Journal winner goes to teaserman of Vancouver, WA. You can visit teaserman’s Journal at http://journals.gagazine.com/teaserman.

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Do you often spank your children when they misbehave? Or do you give them a candy bar so that they can stop bullying your neighbor’s son? Perhaps you give your children choices and they get to choose what they want to do.

A question that was raised when our first son was born is what kind of parents do we want to be? Let our kids run free or hover over our children so that they become what we want them to be. Most of our parenting practices use how we were raised as kids as a baseline and then certain aspects of it are modified to how we want to run our own household. The way you run your household, however, typically falls into one of these three parenting “styles.”

Parenting Styles Defined

1. The Indulgent (Permissive/Non Directive) Parent: These types of parents are “easy” on their kids and allow their kids much freedom to act, speak, and do as they wish. They fear that their kids will “not like them” if they are more restrictive or set rules. Children in these types of environments tend to be controlling, can be more on the irresponsible side when they are older and learn ways to please their parents in order to get what they want.
2. The Authoritarian Parent: These are the types of parents who need to be in control of their kids. When your child asks a question, your answer is “Because I said so.” And that’s final. Authoritarian parents usually focus on their children’s misbehaviors (rather than their achievements) and punishment for such misbehaviors are often not pleasant. Children in these environments tend to have little freedom, lower self esteem, and subservient.
3. The Authorative (Democratic) Parent: These types of parents try to treat their children like adults, giving them choices and letting them see the results of their decisions. Children in these situations tend to be more cooperative and higher self esteem because they feel that they have control of certain things in their life.

What Type of Parent Are You?

How your children turn out doesn’t necessarily mean you were bad parents or practiced bad parenting. Other factors such as where you live or who their friends are also major contributors of how your children grow up to be. Whether you choose to be the Indulgent parent, the Authoritarian parent, or the Authoritive parent, just remember that a loving bond between you and your children is very important.

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Kathy who commented on April 15 at 8:17 am:

“To understand your parents’ love you must raise children yourself.”  — Chinese Proverb

Shannon who commented on April 18th at 5:26 am:

Hey! Here is my favorite quote- “The rules for parents are but three… love, limit, and let them be.” - Elaine M. Ward

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About the product: One brand new girl’s 2-piece summer dress by Koala Kids. Size: 12 months. Retail Value: $11.99. Colors: Lime green with pink flowers. (If you don’t have a girl, it makes a great gift for someone who does)

Are you eligible? You must have a valid email and mailing address.

How can I win? What is your WORST bad parenting confession? For example, giving your 9 month old soda instead of water because you didn’t have any water at the moment.

Am I the winner? We will select the “best” bad parenting confession. If you are the winner, your name will be announced in the Winner’s Announcements category on Monday, April 28th, 2008. You will be contacted via email to confirm your mailing address in order for us to send you the dress. You have 3 days to respond to confirm your mailing address. Otherwise, you will forfeit your prize and we will select another winner.

When will this giveaway end? The winner will be selected on Monday, April 28st, 2008 at 9:00 pm PST.

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There are certainly a lot of different things that can go wrong as a child. One of the things that we may have to deal with in our children is bedwetting, a problem that may be much more common than you think. What causes bedwetting, how can you deal with it and what kind of effect will it have on your child?

Something that many people are unaware of is the fact that bedwetting is typically something that runs in the family. Although you may not have exhibited this behavior whenever you were a child, there may be a relative of yours that did so and this problem was passed on to your child laterally. Even if this is a problem that is passed on through genetics, it is also a behavioral problem that many children exhibit for one reason or another. You need to understand, however, that the child is not doing it on purpose or out of laziness because they do not want to get up to go to the bathroom during the night. Many times this problem occurs as a result of the child simply not understanding that their bladder is full and they may even have a dream which realistically lets them think that they are actually in the bathroom at the time that the accident occurs.

More serious causes of bed wetting could be due to a defect in the child urinary system, a urinary tract infection, or diabetes. If you think these may be causes for your child’s bed wetting, bring it up to your pediatrician as it may require immediate medical attention.

There may be several bedwetting solutions, more than likely, the problem will just go away on its own. As a matter of fact, 85% of all bedwetting individuals eventually stop without any treatment, whatsoever. If you are dealing with the problem and want to hurry along the treatment then there are some things that you can do. It basically has to do with either training your child to wake up when he has to go to the bathroom or training him to hold it until he wakes up in the morning. This is typically done by waking him up periodically with the use of an alarm clock and holding it for longer periods of time during the day in order to train his bladder.

You can also purchase a bed-wetting alarm. Bedwetting alarms attach to your child’s pajamas. At the first drop of urine, the alarm sounds off, much like a smoke detector. This piercing sound should wake your child up and instantly stop him from urinating in bed as a reflex to the alarm. However, one of the parents must bring the child to the toilet to empty his bladder before going back to bed. The bed wetting alarm approach may take up to 6 weeks before your child starts to wake up by himself to “tinkle” so do not get discouraged if your child hasn’t learned to not wet his bed in 2 weeks time.

There are also bed wetting home remedies that many parents find helpful:

• One hour before going to bed, do not give your child any liquids and make sure he empties his bladder.
• Have your child chew on cinnamon bark once day.
• Massage the bladder area to tone up the bladder muscles every night.
• Keep your child in a stress-free environment, especially around bedtime so using the toilet comes natural and easy.
• Monitor what your child eats before he goes to bed. Some have found that sugary foods, sodas, and dairy have an affect on bed wetting.

The psychological effects of bedwetting can be quite difficult for a child, especially if the parents are not very understanding about the problem. The best thing that you can do is to reassure the child that it is not their fault and deal with the problem as an adult. More than likely, it will go away on its own and hopefully be forgotten over time.

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It’s now a trend: the reusable grocery bag. I am beginning to see grocery stores selling canvas bags for $1 a piece. I fathom that those prices will increase when (or if the “pay a quarter per plastic bag” law passes).

WholeFoods has already taken a step towards this “banning plastic at the checkout” concept. By Earth Day, April 22, 2008 their 270 U.S., Canadian, and British based stores will be officially asking their customers “What type of reusable bag do you have today?” instead of “Paper or plastic?”

But before many of us jump on the bandwagon, why not look at a few statistics on plastic first? According to the American Chemistry Council:

1. 2,000 plasic bags weigh 30 pounds vs 2,000 paper bags weigh 280 pounds. Therefore, plastic bags take up less landfill.
2. Delivery of paper bags vs plastic bags: seven trucks vs only truck to deliver the same amount of plastic bags. This means less energy and less emissions into the environment.
3. The manufacture of paper bags uses 70% more air emissions than plastic bags.
4. Plastic bags generate 80% less waste than paper bags.
5. 815 Million pounds of plastic and film was recycled in 2006 - an increase of 24% from 2005.

So what’s all this hype on banning plastic bags in grocery stores about? Even retailers such as Walmart offer plastic bag collection bins at the front of the store. The problem is, we as a society in general do not recycle enough. Don’t you see all those poor beat up plastic bags hanging from the tree branches? No, they are budding flowers. In the US alone, approximately 100 Billion bags are used per year, of which most ends up sitting in our landfills for 1,000 years.

And I haven’t even said my prayers for all those innocent marine animals that choked and died from eating pieces of plastic. You would think that they would know the difference between jellyfish and plastic but apparently, they don’t.

So what’s the catch-all solution? BYOB: Bring Your Own Bag (Sorry party animals. In this case, the acronym does not mean bring your own beer).

If you want to jump on the BYOB bandwagon, and don’t want to spend a lot of money on buying one or want to bring a trendy looking one, here are some places where you can find great patterns on creating your own reusable shopping bags. But you may need to know how to sew, knit or crochet.

Whipup.net - Keep a wallet-sized fold-up shopping bag with you at all times.
Creative Kismet - Shows you how to turn your old pillowcases into a cute shopping bag.
morsbags.com - Download easy to follow instruction on how to sew your own cloth bag.
houghtonavenue.com - A knitted grocery bag for a cottony shopping experience.

Bring Your Own Bag. What an excellent concept.

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